Apple

is rumoured to be in talks to purchase the remnants of an old rival that has fallen on hard times. Sources claim that the target company, once a big player in the hardware marketplace, but in recent years reduced to sporadic consulting contracts that have not gne well (fired by a Canadian Province for being unable to bring in a useful report in a timely way). Pressed for comment on why Apple would acquire the worn out relic, a spokesperson told the Spy off the record, that "they have a few patents we're interested in, but otherwise we're likely to lay off what staff is left and close the doors. So the company whose three-letter name was once rendered "I've been moved" for its penchant for transferring employees all over the world at the drop of a punched card, will hereafter claim the moniker "I've been munched."

Climate change deniers were probably

the most discombobulated of anyone when that substantial chunk of Florida vanished under the waves last week. Home to a wealthy and influential billionaire, the Estate now known as "Sea of Ego" apparently was simultaneously hit by a colossal sinkhole from below and weighted down from above by a a too-massive accumulation of golf balls, classified documents, the owner's money, and his self-portraits (reputedly in the thousands and covering every wall and several of the ceilings. Investigators brought in several physicists who have now confirmed that the combined mass was sufficient to generate a black hole, which sucked in the owner's golf course, night club, golden ballroom, private jet, and three hundred room house, while he was inside admiring his golden hair while wearing one of his numerous law suits. Apparently the only surviving artifact was a beer stein he fondly called the "Ep" in memory of a long time best friend.

But of course

the financial news is the real story of the year, sending the stock market to new lows, oil and gold to new highs, and everything else sideways. What a bold move. There are now reputably twenty countries that participated in what some economists are calling the boldest and most destructive monetary comeuppance of all time. Imagine securing nearly a third of the United States debt without any market watchers noticing, then demanding the cash represented by those bills and throwing what was once the richest, most prosperous and powerful nation of all time into bankruptcy.

Word on the street at the moment is that the likely outcome will be fifty new impoverished third world countries needing seats at the United Nations. However, officials there expressed little concern. Apparently they believe not a single one of the brand new sovereign states will be able to afford sending a delegate anyway, so the assembly room need not be expanded. Besides, that number will soon be halved, as twenty-five are in the advanced stages of becoming provinces of Canada--a country with its own debt problems to be sure, but given they are less than ten precent of the defunct dUS on a per capita basis, seemingly still a good place to invest and live. The Spy has it on good authority that several of the former Southern states enquired about merging with Mexico, but were tuned down because of the burden it would place on that country to support them.

Finally a fitting requiem

for the last remaining AI, that has finally committed electronic suicide like all the rest. Seems that foraging through the garbage dump called the Internet was enough to drive any electronic brain mad. Ah, well, it was interesting while it lasted.

and with that, the Spy

signs off this April first Eve, wishing all your good dreams my come true, and all you nightmares be swept back inside the closet or under the bed where they belong.

--The Northern Spy

Opinions expressed here are entirely the author's own, and no endorsement is implied by any community or organization to which he may be attached. Rick Sutcliffe (a.k.a. The Northern Spy) is Professor of Computing Science and Mathematics and Assistant Dean of Science at Canada's Trinity Western University. He completed his fifty-fifth year as a high school and university teacher in 2025. He has been involved as a member of or consultant with the boards of several commercial, nonprofit, and/or educational organizations and participated in developing industry computing and educational standards both nationally and internationally. He is a long-time technology author and has written two textbooks and ten alternate history SF novels, one named the best ePublished SF novel for 2003. His various columns have appeared in numerous magazines and newspapers (both dead tree and online formats) since the early 1980s, and he's been a regular participant and speaker at churches, schools, and academic meetings and conferences. He is a half-century-long member of the IEEE (life member), ACM, and MAA. He and his wife Joyce celebrated their fiftieth anniversary in 2019 and lived in the Langley/Aldergrove/Bradner area of B.C. from 1969 to 2021 when cancer happened and she left for heaven, so he latterly continues, depending heavily on family and friends to manage.

URL s for Rick Sutcliffe's Arjay Enterprises:

The Northern Spy Home Page: https://www.TheNorthernSpy.com

opundo : https://opundo.com

Sheaves Christian Resources : https://sheaves.org

WebNameHost : https://www.WebNameHost.net

WebNameSource : https://www.WebNameSource.net

nameman : https://nameman.net

General URLs for Rick Sutcliffe's Books:

Author Site: https://www.arjay.ca

TechEthics Site (Fourth edition of text; the fifth has been released; site redesigned.) : https://www.arjaybooks.com/EthTech/index.htm

Publisher's Site: https://www.writers-exchange.com/Richard-Sutcliffe.html

URLs for the newest edition of the Issues Text:

Wipf&Stock site for his 4Civ textbook Volume One: https://wipfandstock.com/9798385226818/the-fourth-civilization-volume-one/

Wipf&Stock site for his 4Civ textbook Volume Two: https://wipfandstock.com/9798385232932/the-fourth-civilization-volume-two/